tips
Snotty Comebacks
There is perhaps no easier way to make those around you realize you’re better than them, than by inserting snotty comments into casual conversation whenever possible. The comments can directly state that you’re better than them, or skim the subject in an indirect way. Perhaps the best time to insert such comments is at a completely inappropriate time.
“Hey Jim, wanna go get something to eat?”
“You’re not worth my time.”
Fake Plans
A simple way to make your friends feel inferior to you is to make fake plans to meet them at a restaurant for dinner. You of course have no intention of showing up. A couple hours of waiting and feeling pitiful will do them some good, and will remind them who really runs the show.
Storytelling
Nothing can make your friends realize you’re better than them than by having more stories to tell than they do. You should never have to sit and listen to a story told to you by a friend, because by that point you should have already interrupted to tell them about your better experience. A great place for this is in a large group. If your friend is sharing a story to everyone, do not spend that time actually listening to them, but instead thinking about how you can tell an even better one. Then verbalize how bad their’s was, and how good yours was. People appreciate good stories, and will realize you are without a doubt, much, much better than your friend.
Leaving Notes
Leaving sticky notes in unexpected places, such as under the pillow, or on the refrigerator, can be a great daily reminder to those around you that you are better than them.
Glasses
In the situation where someone wearing glasses has made a snotty comment to you, do not miss the opportunity to slap the glasses off their face and laugh. Not only is it funny to watch them pick them up and put them back on, but it really lets them know who is in charge.
Quick Thinking
Your friend recently bought a new shirt and is receiving compliments on it left and right. A solution to the problem is to “accidentally” spill your drink all over him. If he cannot change, point out to everyone how stupid he looks with a stained shirt. If he can change, take the opportunity to say how awful his new shirt looks. Either way, you shake his confidence, and get everyone refocused on the fact that you are better than he is.
The Finger
Never underestimate the power of the finger. Instead of greeting your coworkers with the traditional “how are you doing”, you may want to consider hoisting the middle finger with an accompanying “you suck”. The abruptness of it will remind them that they do in fact suck, and that you are much much better than they are.
Selective Amnesia
A key component in letting people know that you are superior to them is by making them feel as insignificant as possible. A simple way of accomplishing this degrading achievement is by pretending to not remember ever having met them. This works great with new acquaintances. When they greet you as if you are old pals and begin to strike up some casual conversation, abruptly interrupt with a, “do i know you?” the priceless look of insignificance on their face will reinforce what you already know. You are simply better than them.